28 Up - here we are on 31st December 1989 – let’s see how you’ve been getting on


How have the last 7 years been for you?

There’s been plenty going on in my career, living arrangements and friendships. My pace of life and range of activities seems to have slowed down, but I still do plenty of what drives me. My friendships seem deeper and stronger and opportunities for meeting new people are still active.

Some bigger events would be:
- Ended a lovely relationship
- Experienced the death of a friend
- Changed career path
- Bought my first house
- Changed jobs twice
- Bought my second house


What have been some of the highs and lows?

Relationship: When we last chatted I was with a lovely girl and it was all good, but soon after that, I ended it and it's hard to say why as nothing had happened to make me do that. It was all going well and, though I really can’t explain it, there seemed to be something inside me that was adverse to security and settling down. I decided to bail on it and though I had no plan or aim, I moved forwards in search of adventure. It says something about my lack of maturity that I didn’t even discuss it with her – I just did it.

Death: A very good friend of mine died. We’d worked together and hung around a lot outside of work too. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma - and took time off work for treatment and we hung out a lot during that time and he was recovering well from the treatment. Then suddenly, he got jaundice and died 2 days later as he had a hugely weakened immune system and couldn’t fight it. I had no tools to help me cope with such an event, but I had friends that I'd introduced to him and they had become his friends too, so when it happened, we had each other to be with - that helped.

Earlier this year, my Aunty Jose died - she had been in home for a few years as it was easier for her as she had got older - the wheelchair life had got tougher. I didn’t go to see her as often as I used to as she was always distracted with doing stuff with her friends in the home - it always felt that I was interrupting her rather than giving her something that she desired. It was a lovely huge house with beautiful gardens - it ’s a shame that she never really left the place to appreciate where she was. Having said that, she seemed happy with the life she had there.

Career: my dad had pointed out a programming night school class, so I went along and learnt. I used these skills to assist in my role as a computer operator and that led to them moving me into the Programming team. So that was an end to my shift work and an introduction into a whole new world and new people and new approaches to things. It was a very positive move and very timely too as the shift work was taking a toll after so long.

Jobs: Having moved into programming, I left that first organisation and went to a new place. It was interesting and I learnt a lot, but the company got bought out, and though they offered me a role to stay, I decided to leave and take up another new opportunity instead.

Homes: I bought my first place (in Clarendon Park) and was so happy to be in my own home - the feeling is too hard to try and describe. Sheer delight. I remember my first night there and making a cup of tea and just sitting back with a huge smile on my face. Sigh. When I took my latest job, because it was so far away, they had a relocation package to allow people to move closer. I took that package and they bought my Clarendon Park home off me and I then bought a lovely one in Oadby that feels like a grown-up’s house more than mine - better than I thought I was ready for - just a delightful place in a nice quiet area.


What are the main differences between this you and the previous you?

As a person, I think that I’ve grown up a lot. I definitely have a different view of life and a different attitude to the choices I make in it. I have a job that feels more like a career. I have less money since I became a property owner, but that is fine - I have no regrets. I have stronger friendships. I have more life experiences that provide better conversation. I have greater desire to learn more about people.

I know that this is just called growing up, but it is just that without experiences, there is nothing to learn, so we grow up based upon what we are exposed to. And I have had lots happen that has allowed me to evaluate, learn and adapt.


Have your friendship groups altered?

Definitely and a lot has been due to work moves where you share times and experience with different folk.

I have had two different lodgers stay with me and that has been good and allowed more interacting and opened other doors. - as well as some welcome income.

And as me and my friend’s lives have evolved, that has led to meeting more and more people from different worlds and backgrounds and that solidifies the foundations of why we are friends. Things feel more fluid as we choose to be friends rather than being friends through circumstance. I noticed it most when I have changed jobs – I have discovered who were just work friends and those who I continue with when work is no longer the commonality.

It also comes from what I want to do with my time - you tend to move towards those who want the same things from life.

Other than choosing to add to my world, there are also decisions on who not to spend time with too. That is equally important.


What hasn’t been great and/or what would you change?

Because I didn’t think that my mate was going to die, I hadn’t had certain conversations with him that I wish I had. I also wonder whether I was considerate enough with him in terms of what he was thinking about. We talked about stuff, but I only heard what he said - I should have better seen and understood what he was going though. I would like to have heard more and shown him more so that he would have known that he could have shared more of what he was thinking.

Another thing to change would be some girls that I have met deserved me paying more attention to them.


Why are people your friend?

I still find this a hard question to answer - I just do what I do and it is the choice of others as to whether that works for them or not.

I think that I am relatively honest and authentic - I mean that I act how I am rather than act how I think I should be - that sometimes works against me, but I can’t help it.

I am quite open to doing anything suggested, so that makes me an available friend.

I also think that I don’t over-advertise myself - I am shy, so I don ’t tend to push myself out there, though having said that, I do often surprise myself in engaging in conversations and introductions that defy that shyness. Actually, I don’t think that it is shy - I am just not confident - or maybe they are both the same thing.


On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you?

This question is odd as I can only answer for this moment in time rather than over the journey. But today, I’d have to say 9 - everything is going well and my world is steadily growing in good ways. I’m not sure what would enhance it more, but if I added any more, then I’d have to drop something to make room, so I’ll leave things as they are.


What are you proudest of?

Pride is not something I am particularly familiar with. I do care about what I offer, but that is because my confidence doesn’t defend very well against criticism, so better to not set myself up for that challenge. As a result, I don’t tend to encourage pride because of what that carries with it.

But to answer the best I can, I am proud that I keep on doing whatever takes my fancy and don’t get knocked out of step when things change around me.

And I suppose that I am proud of having moved career so smoothly - I am now doing a job that gives me more pleasure.


What do you like to do with your time?

This is another question about me today rather than what has been going on. So to answer about my current life:

I work in Northampton, so the office is almost 25 miles from here. That results in a fair amount of travel and the pleasure of it is that it is all cross-country - I try and vary each journey and pass through some of the stunning villages between here and Corby.

Part of all the work travel has been the discovery of so many of the lovely places to head out to of an evening - nice pubs in nice places. I tend to be out with friends a lot, so it’s good to keep varying where we go – and variety is always a good thing for me.

I spend most of my spare time with friends - just hanging around the place - going out for food or drink - or just being together. I have quite a wide collection of friends, so I make sure that I am not neglecting any.

I play snooker with various friends and have now reached the level of ‘not totally shit’. I enjoy the game and it’s a fun thing to share with friends.

I play bridge. Again, I’m not great, but it is a game where you don’t have to be - it is about your partner and the skill of your opponents. The best fun is when you are all around the same skill level.

I did join a gym to try and get fit, but since moving jobs, I don’t have enough time to include that in my world. The same can be said for horse riding too - I just don’t have space for it any more but enjoyed going twice a week a couple of years ago.

I go to the football - still love watching Leicester City - despite their lack of interest in doing anything special.

I pop up to Glasgow or down to London to catch up with friends.

I just do stuff.


What new items do you own and care about?

I love my current house - it is the sort of house that grown-ups live in. It became affordable due to a relocation package offered by my job to move closer to the office. The package was available if it encouraged you to move to within 25 miles of the office - I moved to 24.5 miles from there.

I love my car as it gets me everywhere I want to go and at speed.

Nothing else really - I don ’t have many possessions anyway - I am not home enough to need any creature comforts - I just spend my money on what I am doing socially.


What has changed you and what lessons have you learnt?

The death of my mate made me look at how I lived my life. I went around to visit him one day and his parents said that he was out with some friends so we chatted together. They said that he tends to drift between friends because he finds it tough when somebody is concerned that they can’t afford a particular coat, whereas he is concerned as to whether he will survive or not. It made me think about where I fit in that spectrum. I don’t think I am materialistic and though I may be frivolous, I value and appreciate what I have. But more than just possessions, I have thought about my values and whether I am happy with them or not – a work in progress.

I think that I do tend to be more aware and focused on what I am doing than on what I have been or will be doing. I don’t ponder too much on what I don’t have - I just enjoy what I do have. It was after my mate died that I told myself to stay in the moment and don ’t be distracted by external influences - as long as I am genuine and doing what I want to do, then I am doing the best for myself. As none of us know how long we have, we should make sure that we are living and being invested in the current day.

Through work, I have also learnt the power of listening. I have a few stakeholders of differing personality types and have learnt how to be adaptable and open to people and their ways - less about me and more about them. It is just respecting people and their ways so that we can work together.

I have learnt that momentum is good - when I roll from one thing to the next, my energy stays up, but when I take time out, it is harder to get going again.

I have learnt that choosing to not spend time with people who don’t give you anything is very acceptable. Friendship isn’t a contract - it is fluid and based on mutual reward.

A girl at my last job was pregnant and went on maternity leave. When the baby was 2 months old, it died an unexplainable cot death – it threw all who knew them. One aspect was in not knowing what to say to her when she came back to work. The consensus was to try and act like nothing had happened and that would allow her to share what she wanted, when she wanted. My fear was that by not addressing the biggest thing that had happened to her, how would that make her feel? The lesson was really to think about things from the perspective of another and not to expect them to behave or react like I do - it is too easy to do the opposite.


How much have you achieved/accomplished?

Over the last 7 years, I have progressed in my career - from computer operator to computer programmer to analyst programmer. The steps between have all been necessary and I feel competent in what I do because of what preceded.

Nothing else comes to mind.


What new skills have you developed?

I’ve learnt to horse ride and enjoy both going out on hacks or going over jumps.

I’ve also learnt how to play about 10 songs on the guitar - and 2 of them are almost recognisable.


What main lessons from the previous you, have you incorporated into your current life?

I think that the previous me was something I can reference rather than learn from. I recognise that he was doing the best that he could - and so do I. So we are the same but I haven’t really learnt from him - he just is a gauge as to how far I have come.
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What do you value/care about?

Another question with a disappointing answer ... nothing. I just do what I do without having any stances or beliefs that matter to me. I don’t say that with any pride.


What are your desires/plans/aims/goals?

I am not aiming for anything and I don’t have a goal in mind. I am enjoying my job and the people I work with and I feel a part of something, so that is good. I suppose that I would like to meet a special girl and have a more serious relationship, but I don ’t really slow down enough for that to happen. I have good friends and many of them, so I aim to continue to develop my social circle. I sometimes think that it would be good to work and live in another country, but that would take a lot of arranging and I would need to think about what I would be giving up and what I would be trying to replace that with.

I have always thought that I’d like to be a writer, but as time has gone on, I realise that I don’t really have enough ability in that field – I need to be confident in being able to achieve something before I commit to trying – maybe I need to address that. I have good ideas but not the skill to translate them into words.


What are your negatives?

I think that some people think I am cocky and full of myself – and I can see that, but unfortunately, that is what I am at times. I am living life the way I like it. I am not a great son in as I am not really much of a family man – I choose other things to do and am not really around much for them. I obviously see my parents and grandparents and do go to some family things, but I don’t really give of myself – I am often reluctantly there – I have been like this for most of my time – I don’t like feeling pressure to do things that I don’t want to do and resist it – and family is one of the things that pays the price for that. From an early age, I have sought out independence – I don’t like to be asked lots of things and have to explain myself, and most of that involves family. Not great for them, but that is what I’m like.


What are your motivations?

I like adventures and I look for them all over the place. I love meeting new people and discovering who they are and, as a by-product, learning about myself too. Meeting people is an inspiration that leads me to do more and look for more. The company of interesting people turns me on.


What are your passions?

As mentioned, it is my friendships that matter. It is spending time with the people I like and sharing different events and experiences.

I love to be out and meet new people.

I have also started going to some more live music and I love that experience - Elton John, Neil Young and Carole King have been some highlights. Music has always been a big thing for me in terms of listening to, but going to a live show is a whole new level.


What impacts do you think you have made?

My answer has changed on this. It is hard to gauge because impacts are felt by others and not me, but I have been thinking about it and accept that every interaction has an impact, so the question deserves an answer.

I can think of a few occasions when I have made a positive difference - it took some thinking but I got there. I am not going to pick and discuss, but I think that the reason is down to me asking real questions and listening to people’s responses. I think that people are comfortable sharing with me and the questions I ask them reveal something to them as they answer. I am genuinely interested in most of the people that I meet.


What indoor activities do you get up to?

As previously mentioned, playing Bridge and snooker. I like to sit back and read a bit. I try and play the guitar. I listen to music. I listen to audio books - I mainly listen to them whilst driving though. I sometimes just have a night in watching TV. Usual stuff really.


What outdoor activities do you get up to?

I like to go for walks every now and then - Bradgate Park is still a favourite place and near to where I go horse riding - I have even had the pleasure of riding through the park on occasions.


What holidays have there been?

Not so much holidays, but I do pop off to catch up with folk - places like Huddersfield, London or Glasgow have featured. And a new addition to my world has been going to Devon as a good mate has moved down there - a simply gorgeous part of the world.


What have been your musical influences?

As time has gone on, the influences on my music have come from further afield - people buying me music, hearing somebody on TV shows, and generally being out and about - so less about the charts and Top of the Pops. Some examples of new favourites from outside the charts are Martin Stephenson, Mary Coughlan and Ruby Turner.

Looking at all the music from the last 7 years, I have selecting 5 from each year and explained why they were plucked.

1983
1. Michael Jackson: Billy Jean. This was the complete package i.e. the music, the dancing, the rhythm and the video. This song just worked on all levels. It would always grab a room whenever it came on. Love it.
2. David Bowie: Modern Love. Another song that would grab the attention - the album this came from had lots of styles on it, but this is the one that gets most air play. This was a different Bowie to the one I had known up to this point - very cool - he just has a presence.
3. UB40: Red Red Wine. The old Neil Diamond song with a reggae theme - this version tended to lead to loud singing along. A staple song at most parties - not real reggae but a good white version.
4. Men At Work: Down Under. This was another song that made a big impact when it arrived – it was played all the time. There hasn’t been too much Australia influence in the charts here - I don’t know what else there is over there, but this is a good song.
5. Spandau Ballet: Gold. A new sort of sound. They just seemed to arrive with a lot of good songs - not brilliant, but solid.

So not really big or major songs - it wasn’t the most exciting musical year.

1984
1. Band Aid: Do They Know It ’s Christmas? What an incredible collection of acts pulling together for a common cause. Bob and Midge created a great thing here. The song isn’t brilliant but it is a good sing-a-long, and that is an accomplishment alone. It represents collaboration and awareness.
2. Bronski Beat: Smalltown Boy. This song was out there in the theme and video and the introduction of the brilliant voice of Jimmy Somerville. It is just a great song and a switch from the usual pop stuff around at that time.
3. The Weather Girls: It’s Raining Men. I love everything about this song - fantastic with its gospel/soul feel and the gusto of the vocals and music - this is how I like my music.
4. Cyndi Lauper: Girls Just Want To Have Fun. This is another great song and video – it is anthemic (if that’s a word) and fun. It just lifts you when it comes on.
5. Relax: Frankie Goes to Hollywood. The arrival of FGTH had a huge impact. This song was number one for most of the year thanks to lots of remixes. It is a dance-floor filler - every time and it is already a classic.

This was a better year for music - lots to choose from - it was hard to choose only 5.

1985
1. Bruce Springsteen: Born in the USA. Bruce had been around for a while, but this was the big one where he infiltrated the mainstream – a great album and this was the single that everyone knew and was heard everywhere. It was more rock than my usual tastes but it was powerful.
2. Kool & The Gang - Cherish. There is nothing much to say about this one other than I love it. It has great harmonies and is just a sweet song.
3. Phil Collins - One More Night. This was the slow dancing song of the year – it has a good feel to it despite the longing it portrays. I guess it matches some feelings that I have had over my time – well, on occasions anyway.
4. Prince - 1999 / Little Red Corvette. What a talent and what a great double a-side. Watching him perform is incredible – he is unlike other acts and his talent is immense. His persona makes him seem like a knob at times, but I think he enjoys creating the mystique around who he really is.
5. Simple Minds - Alive and Kicking. Another anthem – a strong song and great beat and is sung with gusto. What a great voice Jim Kerr has.

1986
1. Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer. I was trying to get fit and had a bit of an exercise regime and the 12 inch version of this song was the track I would exercise to.
2. Run-DMC / Aerosmith - Walk This Way. This is another brilliant song – two styles combining to create a great sound with wonderful energy and rhythm and beat – love it.
3. The Communards - Don't Leave Me This Way. Following the break-up of Bronski Beat, Jimmy formed The Communards and this was a brilliant version of a great song – a dance track that is full of delight.
4. The Housemartins - Happy Hour. I love this band and there are so many fantastic tracks that they’ve put out. They are unique and Paul Heaton has a distinctive sound – there is nothing too sophisticated – just great songs with great rhythm.
5. Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al. A bit of a novelty song but something about it that works – it is the music that works and a real toe tapper.

On the whole, this was another bad year for music - for me anyway.

1987
1. Fine Young Cannibals - Ever Fallen In Love. Another band with a lead singer who has a unique voice - Roland Gift. This is a cover of a Buzzcock’s classic – I love both versions and it just grabs me whenever it is on.
2. Terence Trent D'Arby - If You Let Me Stay. Yet another brilliant voice – he suddenly hit the charts in the UK and it is so refreshing to hear such soul – hard to ignore.
3. The Pogues (featuring Kirsty MacColl): Fairytale of New York. What can I say? This captures something but I couldn’t say what. It is one that you sing along to and it leaves you feeling good – it is a story and a combination of 2 very different singers. Merry Christmas.
4. The Proclaimers - Letter From America. Yes, another distinctive sound – the brothers put a lot into what they do and they have a great and simple solid sound. It is one where you put your arms around your mates and sing your heads off too. Brilliant.
5. U2 - With or Without You. The Joshua Tree album is full of good songs, but this one is yet another that I can’t help singing along with. U2 have had some great songs, but this one grabs me more than most.

1988
1. INXS - Need You Tonight. The arrival of another Australian band – they arrived and became big almost immediately. This song never fails to grab my attention.
2. Fairground Attraction – Perfect. The voice of Eddi Reader is a wonderful thing and she makes this song special – what a catchy one.
3. The Fat Boys With Chubby Checker - The Twist (Yo, Twist). This is brilliant – this is unlike my usual tastes and it is fantastic – I can’t help but dance when this comes on.
4. Everything But The Girl - I Don't Want To Talk About It. A cover of the Rod Stewart song but it has an added dimension that gives it feeling and body.
5. Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy. This was a song that everyone sang along to – it encourages what the title states.

1989
1. Mike & the Mechanics - The Living Years. And yet another anthem - I like the melody and vocals and the choir singing – the ingredients all combine well to produce a great song.
2. Tears For Fears - Sowing The Seeds Of Love. A long song and it doesn’t vary much – just a good rhythm and vocals – it just sits well with me.
3. The Beautiful South - Song For Whoever. After the end of the Housemartins, this was Paul’s next enterprise and his voice goes well with a fuller backing sound. This is a gentle song that washes along nicely.
4. Natalie Cole - Miss You Like Crazy. Sometimes you just need a great voice that gives a song texture and meaning. It’s a lovely song.
5. Marc Almond featuring Gene Pitney - Something's Gotten Hold Of My Heart. A rework of Gene’s classic song in which Marc adds great soul - this combination of vocals takes it to a higher level.