35 Up - here we are on 31st December 1996 – let’s see how you’ve been getting on


How have the last 7 years been for you?

It’s been a good time with many, many changes and some challenges along the road. I like the unpredictability of it and the reactiveness of things - rolling with the punches but grasping opportunities. I love the randomness of it all - it has been a time of discovery.

Some bigger events would be having:
- lived in 8 different homes
- lived in 6 different cities
- had 7 different jobs
- had 6 different girlfriends
- had my heart broken
- had my leg broken
- left the property market
- joined a cult
- lost my grandad


What have been some of the highs and lows?

Restlessness
I started this 7 year period being in a job that I really enjoyed with some fine people and life was grand. But something was wrong and I started to feel restless. I think that it was because I am more comfortable when I am in the shadows, but in that job, I partly moved into the spotlight – my personality was bigger than I was comfortable with. It started when I began a satirical magazine – initially a one pager and ending up a lot bigger. It was not sophisticated, but it amused people and its circulation grew and I became known. And with that came pressure to be funny and to deliver a new edition of my magazine each month. It is good to stretch yourself, but I think that in the end, I would have been happier as an anonymous contributor. And I was also in the job for 3 years and though it was comfortable, I lost some of the excitement – though I made some great friends. Because of the distance from home, it added a limitation to my social life and that wasn’t as fluid as I like. And the main project I had been working on was live, so the pressure of delivery had eased. It is interesting to write this as I didn’t realise all of this at the time - basically, I was uncomfortable with the persona that had emerged and I was therefore looking for a change.

Change of country
Having lived for 30 years in Leicester, I landed a contract for a role in Madison, Wisconsin in the US. This was a huge move that surprisingly didn’t worry me. As with all things, I try to not worry about too many possible outcomes – I just like to embrace things and see what happens. Two friends were happy to rent my house and have the use of my car, so I didn’t have to worry about that. There was another chap from the same job who was also moving out with his family for the same project in the US, so that was nice. And then I was there – suddenly a whole different way of life without knowing anyone really - so it was up to me to make things happen.

This is a long story, so I am trying to make it shorter.

When I arrived in the US and was met by the agent and they put me up in a hotel and then we went around looking for somewhere to rent. I found a nice apartment about 15 minutes from the city. It was big and clean and in a large complex with a shared space for all. I liked it. Having sorted that out, I was ready to submerge myself into my new environment.

The project was to put in a utility system - my role was to help understand the requirements so that they could determine the changes required to their system to make it fit for Madison. The people who ran the project were all youngish and confident and were all from out of state - and were being paid very handsomely too.

The “workers” on the project were me, the other chap from the UK and a strange (in a few ways) chap called Mike from somewhere else in the US. The rest were Indians provided by an agency – all were likeable people.

The weather was the coldest I have ever endured - it was almost minus 40 with the wind-chill, and I didn’t have a car, but I soon got used to the bus.

As time went on, I built friendships with people where I lived and on the project - life was grand, though work was too slow - the project was faltering. And as I got on well with the Americans running the project, I was accepted by them, but that revealed another side to who they were. Because I was white, they assumed that I was one of them, so I heard all the things they said about blacks and Indians that made me very uncomfortable and put me in a difficult spot as I didn’t have the comfort of speaking up as I was in a delicate situation - needing to establish myself. Mike had taken his first pay check, and left town leaving debt and mess behind - he had been dodgy and also creepy and had upset a few. As Mike, Patrick and I were from the same agency, they saw us as part of the problem and they wanted revenge as the agent was supposed to have vetted us all before putting us forward.

So the mood had changed and it was turning a bit flat. Then I was told that as the project was behind, could I go away and come back 6 weeks later when they’d be ready for me. The answer was no - I needed the money and I was stuck in an apartment with no income. I looked for other work and eventually gave up and returned to the UK 4 months after leaving. My house and car were with the people I promised them too, so I was in a though spot.

The final thing to say on this was that I left people in the US that I considered good friends behind, but within a day of returning, I realised that I didn’t really know any of these people at all - they were people I spent time with but there was actually no depth there at all - it was all a shallow experience that I didn’t recognise until I stepped away from it. As I look back now, there is absolutely nothing that I gained from the experience itself - but it did cut the apron strings from Leicester - I was released into the wild.

Employment
Since returning from the US (March 1992), I have been contracting. That has been 6 different roles in 5 different cities. The reason for so many moves is because I feel untied down – there are lots of opportunities out there and I see opportunities as adventures.

My first contract was up in Leeds. I ended up renting a place with somebody I happened to know from a previous job, so that was good. I enjoyed the city but the work wasn’t great. I met some nice folk both inside and outside of work though and I enjoyed what Leeds had to offer.

My next contract was also in Leeds and I moved in with another mate I knew there. I already knew the city and people and then my cousin Juliet moved there too, so it was another good year.

The next move was to a project with IBM in Bristol. Most of the people there were from out of town, so a large number of us discovered and developed a good life in a lovely city - just a great year. I rented a room in gorgeous place in a lovely area, so that was a good addition to the experience.

The project then moved to Hursley - not far from Winchester – and I moved into a beautiful old house with work friends and it was a fantastic year - such good times and such a lovely spot. Idyllic.

Following that I moved to Cardiff to work with one of the customers of the product I had been developing at IBM. I really enjoyed my time there - I was living on a marina and just relaxed for the whole time - lovely people and a lovely city.

And that takes me to where I am now - Oxford. The history and architecture is something else – it’s a very special place. The traffic management is so bad that cars get swept around the city rather than through it, so it is quite calm. I am liking it and have a bicycle to get around as well as my car.

Girlfriends
There’s been some good ones in there including a really strong one - well, from my side anyway. It has been a delight to meet some wonderful women and been fortunate to spend some special times with them.


What are the main differences between this you and the previous you?

I feel untethered. My previous versions had all been Leicester based and I had not really considering an alternative to that. Friends who had gone to University had developed an appreciation and capability to fly the coop, but a lot of friends were well rooted - and happy with it. This new freedom sits well with me.

I guess that there was a lot of security in the way I was 7 years ago - or maybe more about familiarity. I knew my way around, I had favourite places, I knew where people were - I just knew how everything worked. And with that comes confidence - my world was under control and growing nicely.

With the breakaway to the US, it all changed. My home, transport, friends, family and environment were all removed and I had to replace them. But not in a country where I understood how things worked – it was a foreign environment and I was a foreigner. I did slip into the new life with ease, but the hard part was having little money to play with - it led to a bit of an insular existence at times and the weather made it even tougher - in my 4 months there, there were only 2 days when there wasn’t snow everywhere – bitterly cold at times too.

The reason it changed me was that I discovered that I was fearless in regards to change - well, fearless could be overstating it - I think that I was unfazed by it. Then again, I wasn’t risking anything in taking that opportunity, so it didn’t need any braveness - it was just realising that I didn’t need the security I had previously enjoyed.

Since returning to the UK, I have moved a few times and with each move, I have had to build a new life e.g. find a place to live, settle into the job that took me there, socialise and get myself out there. I had to make it happen otherwise there was no point - I would just work and go home and waste my time with TV - or more recently on the computer.

I have also sold my Leicester house and therefore have lessened the need to return there. I feel a bit unleashed - a "wherever I lay my hat, that’s my home" type of existence.

So I have no really base and I go to new places and have developed the confidence to create new lives from scratch. The job market is buoyant in my field, so it is a case of looking at what jobs are out there and choosing the place I want to try. It is a transient lifestyle and one that I have taken to with ease.


Have your friendship groups altered?

Hugely - with each move I have made. As I look back over the various places I have lived, I see new friends from all of them except from my time in the US.

From Leeds, I had great friends during the time and some of them were friends from previous jobs who happened to be there. I shared a couple of apartments with mates and then I took a room in the house of a work mate. I got to make friends with my cousin Juliet. Though I had a great 2 years there, most of the friendships didn’t really carry over.

My year in Bristol was great and very social - such a good time and great friends - those I worked with and those that I met around the traps and through other friends. I was a good time with good folk.

Then came Winchester - the best of times and places - such a wonderful group of people and I shared a house with 2 of them. I was in a good relationship too. It was a great time and I still juggled my time to include Leicester too, though I stopped going home every weekend. Top times and people.

Cardiff was a great year - some good friends there - I lived a quieter life and was happy just relaxing and enjoying the place. I visited friends over in Bristol, Winchester and Leicester too during that time.

And now I am in Oxford - it is a lovely city with great architecture and a slow pace. I am finding it harder to get into life here, but I have a nice girlfriend and we get to spend good times together and just hang out in a lovely part of the world. I still travel a lot to catch upon with friends, but I enjoy it here.


What hasn’t been great and/or what would you change?

The US wasn’t great, but served a purpose in showing me how easy it is to find adventures if you want them.

If I had saved some money, my US experience would have been better as it would have taken some of the pressure off, but maybe I needed the drive that not having money gave me.

In some ways, I am sorry that I didn’t get to experience living in the US, but then again, I am grateful for all the experiences that have resulted from me returning.


Why are people your friend?

A more interesting question than when previously asked. A big part of the pleasure I get from this transient way of life is in meeting and engaging with new people and making friends.

From my perspective, I enjoy hearing tales from the lives of others and learning about who they are and what they have been through. With each person I meet, I realise how easy I have had it in life - and I am very appreciative of that.

My choice of friends are those that are funny, intelligent and interesting. I am going to go out on a limb and think that I demonstrate similar characteristics to others. I am most comfortable with people who seem comfortable with themselves and are open. Once again, I am similar though probably not that open. I am more interested in others than myself, so I don’t tend to talk about myself too much, but some of that is down to whether I am asked things - if not, then I don’t tend to offer anything. But I also probably divert attention from myself too.

All I can assume is that the mixture of all the above means that I offer enough to be of interest. I can also be quite direct and cutting and, when deserved, and that is also appreciated by others.


On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you?

I’ll say 8 today. I have been higher over the last 7 years, but currently this is a different type of life - slower and simpler - not sure how I feel about that, but I am free to change it at any time. I do enjoy heading off to catch up with friends around the country, so I can choose how I break down my time.


What are you proudest of?

The ease at which I have transitioned between each new start and my openness to dive into whatever comes my way - places, jobs, people, etc. My inner Tintin (the part of me that looks for adventures) still keeps me conscious and alert to see what is possible and out there.


What do you like to do with your time?

My life is simple day to day. The excitement comes from visiting folk elsewhere. I am going to the gym 3 times a week. I am driving a lot and constantly listening to audio books - that is something I have gotten into over the last 7 years. Ever since I have been living out of Leicester, I have enjoyed listening to stories as I drive around or return home. It isn’t distracting as it is connecting with a part of my consciousness that isn’t dealing with driving. I tend to listen mostly to fiction as my mind is most interested and stimulated by stories rather than the real world.

A good mate of mine has moved down to North Devon and there is a lot of listening time on drives down there - 350km takes about 4 hours.


What new items do you own and care about?

Since I got to Oxford, I have bought a push-bike to get around - Oxford isn’t great for driving and as I am relaxed and not rushing anywhere, it felt like a good thing to do. I am certainly enjoying it and that is my newest purchase. Over the last 7 years, the only other things I have really bought are 2 cars. I don’t buy as much music and I haven’t been reading much, so money goes of food, drink, cigarettes, petrol and occasional shows. Obviously there is rent to pay and I have had a mortgage for a lot of the time too. So I don’t buy much because I don’t have much spare cash to do so.


What has changed you and what lessons have you learnt?

I have learnt to try and look at me and my world from the outside rather than just looking out from within. During my time in the US, I was loving my time and the people I met and things we were doing. That was me looking out. If I had been looking the other way, I would have seen the shallowness of that existence. It reminded me of the how easy it is to buy in to something when you are surrounded by it.

I have learnt how little I am tied to places. Without really having thought about leaving Leicester, I have effortlessly lived in a few places. I guess that it wasn’t daunting and was therefore easy. I wasn’t risking anything, so it is easy to try things knowing that if I don’t like it, then I’ll try something else.

I have learnt how little I am tied to possessions. As I’ve moved around, I have not taken much with me - I just don’t need much. I sold my last house and I just let it go with everything inside; all furnishings, electrical equipment, all the kitchen stuff. Everything. I didn’t want any of it. I took my books and records and obviously clothes. The rest I left - which was a great start to the young family who bought the place.


How much have you achieved/accomplished?

Back in the job of 7 years ago, I created a magazine from scratch and it became a thing. It amused people and its readership group grew. I think that is really the only thing that I have ever created, so I am proud to have done it.

In terms of career, I have established myself in my field and have fitted in with most jobs - if I haven’t fitted, it hasn’t been the work as much as the people, so that is harder to master. I guess that it is a mixture of how you work with people you don’t respect or whether to walk away - circumstance tends to lead to working with it - little can be gained when working against it.


What new skills have you developed?

A few work and technical advancements, but nothing of interest.

As part of my magazine, I started writing stories and other things - I really enjoyed it and discovered that I can write a bit.

As part of work and also part of my writing, I have discovered that I am a bit of a perfectionist - well, that might be over-stating it, but if I am putting something out there, then I want to ensure that it is complete and properly produced and of good quality. If I am putting my name to something, then I want to be proud of it.

I am a better listener than I have been before. It is surprising at how much you learn when you shut up.

I have also become somebody who gives reasonable advice. I would like more people to trust me with advice, but that will come from my actions rather than my desire - it is an earned privilege.


What main lessons from the previous you, have you incorporated into your current life?

Just the knowledge that I am not stupid. I have gained confidence in what I do for a living and it is relaxing to know that I am not just winging it.


What do you value/care about?

Just my friendships. There is nothing else that comes to mind.


What are your desires/plans/aims/goals?

Just to carry on discovering new places, new people and new experiences. I don’t really have a plan. My career isn’t going anywhere as I am contracting and being paid to do what I already know i.e. I am not there to learn anything new. I don’t know where I want to live - I am enjoying moving around and exploring - I have no idea where I will go next - I will decide when I feel the need to change.


What are your negatives?

Another thing that isn’t great about me is my lack of real commitment to relationships. I am good and present when in a relationship, but the problem comes when I move. When I physically move location, I tend to leave everything behind, and that includes relationships – when things are out of sight, they really go out of my mind too – I just lose focus – I am only good at where I am and what is happening.


What are your motivations?

Simply adventures and experience. I love to meet new people and to learn about them and also myself through conversations with them – to be stimulated through word, action and conversation.


What are your passions?

Friends.


What impacts do you think you have made?

I’ve amused some. I have arranged for things to occur that have made memorable times. I have allowed people to think about themselves through questions asked of them. My impacts are incidental rather than intended.

The exception to this was my magazine - I put that out to amuse and entertain.


What indoor activities do you get up to?

I tried to play the guitar again but find that I am limited to just a few songs that are barely recognised for as being what they are. I play on my computer - not doing anything of value. I listen to music and audio books. I don’t watch much TV anymore - I am out quite a lot.


What outdoor activities do you get up to?

A few years back, I played a bit of golf with work friends. Occasionally I play 5-a-side football. I do a lot of driving from city to city to catch up with folk.


What holidays have there been?

Nothing much. I go to Devon a bit to catch up with my mate there and his family. On the whole, I just hang around doing the same stuff - I don’t really feel the desire to go visiting other places. That may be related to living in more places - that keeps it fresh. Also, as a contractor, I don’t get holiday leave as such - I take unpaid time off - that is less attractive.

I did go to Canada for a trip the year after returning from the US. It was to see a girl who turned out to be not worth the visit - but you have to try these things.


What have been your musical influences?

Looking back, there were periods where I would listen to albums over and over - so I have albums and places connected.

- In the US, I was listening to a lot of Stevie Ray Vaughan and The Ramones.
- In Leeds, I was still into Mary Coughlan and got to see her a few times. And the same about Martin Stephenson - he was a round quite a bit. It was at this time I really got into Leonard Cohen via his album, The Future.
- In Bristol, my house-mate was always playing Mary Black stuff and that is a strong association.
- In Winchester, Wilco Johnson was prominent, but really it was quite a bit of blues music.
- In Cardiff, it was non-stop Angelique Kidjo (Fifo was the album I played most).
- In Oxford, there isn’t much that is on rotation. I recently saw Eddi Reader and love her first 2 albums and she’s just released a 3rd.

I am not really into chart music anymore and my influences come more from people and places I go. I am always hearing things and investigating them.

Looking through the charts over the past 7 years there are some songs that stand out, but not many - they aren’t all good - just memorable in terms of the time and place.

1990
Alannah Myles - Black Velvet
Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U
The B-52s - Love Shack
MC Hammer - U Can't Touch This
EMF - Unbelievable

1991
Extreme - More Than Words
REM - Shiny Happy People
The Clash - Should I Stay or Should I Go
Michael Jackson - Black Or White
George Michael & Elton John - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

1992
Crowded House - Weather With You
Eric Clapton - Tears In Heaven
Guns N' Roses - Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Madness - It Must Be Love
Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You

1993
2 Unlimited - No Limit
M People - Moving On Up
REM - Everybody Hurts
Shabba Ranks - Mr. Loverman
Shaggy - Oh Carolina
The Bee Gees - For Whom The Bell Tolls

1994
CJ Lewis - Sweets For My Sweet
D:Ream Things - Can Only Get Better
Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around

1995
Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet
Oasis - Wonderwall
Pulp - Common People
Seal - Kiss From A Rose
Shaggy - Boombastic

1996
Baddiel & Skinner and The Lightning Seeds - Three Lions
Fugees - Killing Me Softly
George Michael - Jesus To A Child
OMC - How Bizarre
The Beautiful South - Rotterdam